Another Loss

Sadly I have just seen news on the death of Robin Gibb...yet another musical genius dead...really this is beginning to get sad, people. Duck Dunn, Robin Gibb, Donna Summer, it's just insane people...it really is. For the dead I offer this memoriam....

My Rant

Needless to say, I am not that huge of a fan of POTUS, however today, he did something that took a great deal of convection and guts. He became the first POTUS to say that gay marriage is alright. By saying that everyone...yes EVERYONE should be allow to get married, he added a landmark decision to his tenure. The way I look at it...marriage is the last legal form of slavery in existence...and if a straight couple wants to enter into it, why can't everyone?
Not knocking marriage, I know a lot of people who are in happy relationships, but look at the facts people, 50% of marriages end in divorce. Quit acting like all marriages are perfect. And, I am sorry, all you religious overbearing self-righteous assholes....how many of you are in marriages that are happy? Not too many. Considering you have stories about preachers killing their families, of sex scandals in churches, not to mention the countless number of hookers your heroes like Jimmy Swaggert, Jerry Falwell, and more than likely, your guru Pat Robertson have had in their lives they have no reason to pass judgement.
Speaking of those who pass judgement...the not so great state of North Carolina....you pathetic, racist, backwoods, bible thumping, sister fucking yokels..what gives you the right to tell anyone that they cannot marry? Who are you to deny anyone their rights? Do you all have a cross shoved so far up your collective asses that you can't think? How many of the state leaders are secretly gay? How many of the meetings in the governor's mansion end up in some sort of homoerotic game? You are no better than terrorists, you are no better than murderers, you are no better than dirt! The number of young adults who will kill themselves in your state because they aren't allowed to love who they love because of you bastards....may that haunt you til the days you all die...and I hope that when you get to whatever "heaven" you believe in... I hope a gay man is waiting to allow you access...and then you will see what your hatred will get you.
So bravo to the POTUS for standing up for the rights of the silent, and to the morons in North Carolina...you are cowards, low life, pathetic, bible-thumping cowards, and there is a special place in Hell waiting for you.

Random in May

So I have had some thoughts and I wanted to share, and since I don't have to worry about how proper it is writtten here...I am going to just go on...what is the difference between arrogance and confidence..the answer, is very little. you can be arrogant and have no confidence, and you can be confident without being arrogant...in reality they are interchangable. both have drawbacks and both have times when they are needed....
words like perfection and satisfaction mean nothing until you give them meaning..a perfectionist believes in 100%, a realist should believe in 99.9%. perfection doesn't exist, it is just a word...that's all words are..just words until you give them a meaning...its all nothing until its given life, look at actors, they get words on a page, and until they say those words in the right tone, the right way they are still just words....
thoughts are funny things, if we are all supposed to have them, why are they not all seens as valid...if we can think it, we should be able to express those thoughts, yes, not all of them are right, are logical, are "perfect" but they are your own, ergo to you, they can be anything. anything you want them to be because they belong to you, not to anyone or anything else...your own time and place belong who you chose to occupy the space.....
there is nothing else more to say other than what you chose to say. we spend far too much time searching for the words to please everyone else, when all you have to really do is tell the ones who want to tell you everything to bugger off...get lost...get the hell out...shut the fuck up..leave you alone...however you want to say it, you have to say it.  sometimes its not all black and white, that nondescript shade of gray is where the majority lives. but there are those that have to believe it is black and white, all or nothing...but its not...the difference, the shades of gray can teach you more....
just some random thoughts for my first posting in may.

The Family Is Back!

So, imagine my surprise today when I got on Facebook to see a message from my friend Nicole...shout out to Velma...saying "OMG Kevin's back!!" I was intrigued, thinking, wait a minute, Papi left a few years ago to spend time with the family..which I understood, supported and after a few margaritas and tears, accepted it. Now, thanks to seaching the webiste and hearing it out of the mouths of a couple of babes....Nick still looks 18 don't he? Lol! We find out....that in every sense of the words...Backstreet is indeed back! All of them are back again, a new album...all good to go again...Ladies, I'm 16 again, and I am happy! So I have to have to put a few of my favorite videos on here to welcome back Kevin...Backstreet's Back! Whoo Hoo!

Another Loss

My post yesterday has to be changed now....today Levon Helm, the husky Southren voice of The Band succumbed to throat cancer...at the age of 71. In the words of Freddie Mercury...another one bites the dust. Levon Helm, for those who don't know, was the drummer for The Band, he was the lead vocalist for songs like Up On Cripple Creek, Ophelia, The Weight, and The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down. He was the basis for the Elton John song that bears his name...Levon.
He was also a very good actor, played Loretta Lynn's father in Coal Miners Daughter. 71 years old...71 good years. But its still hard isn't it? Losing Davy Jones in his 60's, Levon Helm in his 70's and Dick Clark in his 80's....why do the good ones go too soon?  In memory of Levon Helm I am putting some videos of The Band and a scene from Coal Miners Daughter. RIP Mr. Helm...the other side welcomed a wonderful musician tonight.

Another Loss In TV Land

Dick Clark...America's Oldest Living Teenager is dead at the age of 82.  To the "baby-boomer" generation another part of their  childhood is dead. Another brick in the wall has fallen. It is unevitable..life and death is hand-in-hand...It is sad, but it is true. Dick Clark, Davy Jones, Jeff Conaway....all these bright stars have dimmed, and those stars will never burn again. But, they will never be forgotten. Everyone lives, not everyone dies...Death is one thing that we cannot fix, change, or stop. Life is one thing we cannot fix, change or stop. It is a circle that never stops going around. My New Year's Eve for 31 years has been spent watching Dick Clark, watching the ball drop in Times Square, and now I don't think I can ever watch it again. It has been taken over by Ryan Seacrest....that ruins it for me. Dick Clark, Davy Jones, Jeff Conaway...and soon to be Levon Helm. I hope Levon can hold on, as is my hope for Robin Gibb. All these brilliant people, leaving so soon. May they find the glowing light waiting for them, and may they decided to take this journey again.

Levon Helm....Amazing Drummer...Amazing Band

Robin Gibb....Hold On Mate...Hold On

Been Awhile

Sometimes I forget that I have this thing...I just go on about my business and don't really add anything. Been just hanging out, not really doing or thinking anything super important. I have noticed that I have turned into a YouTube person. Looking up old videos, old memories that I can find at the flick of a switch. I used to have a way of telling who was of my time and who wasn't...it was this...

That was from 1989...when I was 8 year old, a few months before I turned 9...I remember it so well. Funny isn't it?
That was so long ago, but it seems like yesterday. 1989...to 2012....seems like another lifetime.
That was my Blast From The Past for the night.

Strange Dreams

So, okay had this super weird dream, and wanted to share with everyone.  It wasn't a long dream, fairly short, but freaky.  There was a bed, there was a fine man waiting for me in that bed, and as i went to get into that bed with the fine ass man...suddenly from underneath the bed here comes bugs, snakes, spiders, pouring out from underneath the bed...Any ideas? Anyone? Small post, here is a song...

Animals: Do They Matter?

Okay, so upon hearing the comments typed by a "friend" of mine, who happens to be, um how can I be polite about this...a jesus freak...I had to respond in the best way I know how. By my first post of April....I am an aminal lover and have been all my life. I treat them as I'd treat a human. Because I also believe that the soul, or the spirit of an animal is as important as my own. I have lost animals that were my babies, do I know that they exist past this life...damn right I do. They were there for me in life, they will be there in death as well.
Everything deserves that right...the right to exist and to be seen as worthy. Right or wrong? This isn't philosophical, this isn't even religious in nature...to me it is simply a question of belief...and before i get too many people saying belief is religion...it is and it isn't. You might believe in Santa and not believe in God. You might believe in Buddah, and not believe in Jesus. It is the freedom of religion...God, Muhammad, Budda, Nature, Gods/Goddesses, prophets, saints, mystics, or even the belief in nothing at all...you are allowed any of those, all of those or none of those.
To the people who say animals have no spirit, no soul...talk to the Native Americans..they would disagree. If you believe that animals mean nothing...look into the eyes of a dog or a cat in a shelter that is about to be put down...you are going to kill an innocent creature for what reason? For, no reason at all....if that person who does that is a believer in God or whatever Higher Power he/she knows....aren't they committing murder? Just my simple thoughts tonight. I will have more to come.

From The Mouths Of Idiots

Okay, so just read a post about every freaky christians best friend, Pat Robertson, where he called homosexuality a form of "demonic posession"...give me a fucking break! Demonic possession...okay, I have heard some pathetic statements in my time from some true bigots, but that one takes the cake! To criticize someone elses lifestyle like that is not only pathetic, it just goes to show that apparently good old Pat hasn't got a dick that would satisfy an ant let alone the dried up crone he calls a wife!
To demean and disrespct another human beings life makes you no better than scum...sounds like you and your new bedfellow Kirk Cameron have yet more hate to spread...you sir are no better than the KKK or the Aryans who destroyed, raped, and murdered innocent people because of their own hated. You sir, are no better than Hitler, a man so prejudiced that his actions, and the actions of his followers let to the death of 6 million people! You pathetic, racist, sorry ass motherfucker...you deserve to burn in hell for your thoughts and your actions..."demonic possession"? Really? Well then guess what, I am happy to live and communicate and be freinds and love the people you call demons....Rot in hell Patty boy, i hope you and your WBC cronies will enjoy your new home.

The Quote

Oh my god, I'm back again! Sorry, had to do it! Anyway, I forgot that I don't have a class at 11 anymore, so I came back over here just for a quick note...a quick quote staring me in the face...."it is said that the worth of something is measured by how much someone is willing to pay for it."

Interesting quote isn't it? Let me write it again, all by itself so you can really see it.

"It is said that the worth of something is measured by how much someone is willing to pay for it."

Does that mean everything has a price? We can all be bought or sold? Does it mean that anything worth having is something you have to pay for in one way or another? Or is it just some words thrown together in the hopes that it makes sense to someone?

Break it apart...

"the worth of something"---what is something? is it life? death? love? hate? a new house? a new car? a million dollars? there are six somethings listed there...what are their individual worth? the worth of life...living it, learning from it, making it memorable maybe? the worth of death...learning from it, remembrance? the worth of love...to love and be loved in return, to not be lonely? the worth of hate...to understand our prejudices, to acknowledge our faults, to learn to change? the new house, new car, the money..that is all tangible things. they can be measured by a set worth, can't they?

"is measured by how much someone is willing to pay for it"----Someone, could that mean anyone? no one? is that a term that encompasses every living being on the planet, or is it a select few? And the last part...willing to pay---everything has a price? everyone has a price? but it that so? How much are you worth? What is your price tag read?...I'm MasterCard baby...priceless!

To say that everyone has a price I think is too cynical...yeah, a lot of people do. They think everything can be set at a number. To put a price on yourself is demeaning. it's saying that you only see yourself being worth x amount of dollars, or x amount of time. That isn't true, and it only is if you allow it to be. If no one can buy or sell you..than your worth is MasterCard. You are priceless. If you have to be a price, be that one!

"It is said that the worth of something is measured by how much someone is willing to pay for it."

Nothing Special

The title to this might suggest that I am about to write something that might be a put down. That is where you would be wrong. To me, I see the phrase "nothing special" to mean what might not be special to some, has meaning to someone else. Everyone has things that they like or dislike..things they find worthy and not worthy...

                                                                       You're Worthy!

Music, movies, television, literature, art....the media can make you see yourself as either one or the other. As you can see above, sometimes the best thing you can do is make fun of it. Laugh at yourself, laugh at the insanity of it all. Some of the best moments are the moments that make you laugh...

                                                          Cute guys who curse like sailors
                                                                     always says Yes to me!

And even the moments that make you cry...

                                                                     Ditto...just Ditto

Its the songs that make you cheer....

                                                                 Freddie! Freddie!
And the songs that make you cringe...

                                                                Death to the Purple Bastard!
It's everything and nothing...Everything is something special and nothing special...its all how you look at it...Everything is nothing and nothing is everything...Just ask this guy...

Random Thoughts and Killing Time

So, another day, in the hallway. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. And almost 2 hours to kill. Sometimes it seems that all we do...kill time until the next thing comes along. Been wondering about that lately, don't know why. Yesterday was a strange day, in more ways than one. Sometimes I wonder about people. I gave up wondering about myself years ago. My mantra is...I've Always Been Crazy, But It's Kept Me From Going Insane. (Thank You, Waylon Jennings for my mantra).
So, onto the ramblings of this post, whatever they might be. I don't have a plan, a set topic, then again most of the time I don't. After I finish up today, I'll be done for the rest of the week. Right now, I find myself sitting and watching people...young people. Feels weird calling them young, cause I am young myself, but I have noticed the ones younger than I am...the "20-somethings"...it's scary, very scary.
This new breed, this up-and-coming generation truly scares the hell out of me. They think they know everything, act like they are far superior, and dress either like a 10 cent hooker or a homeless person. The 10 cent hookers are what I have been seeing all morning. Seriously, girls, if it just a piece of fabric big enough to blow your nose..it is NOT a suitable piece of clothing! If a tic tac is bigger than your top...change your top! If you want the whole world to know everything physical about you but your eye color, keep dressing like a tramp. There is such a thing as taste, look into that, I beg you.
When you see these barbie dolls, it makes you wonder why they think they need to dress like they belong on a stage or a street corner. They look like poster girls for either pedophiles, human traffickers, or just the leeches leering in corners. If that is what you think of yourself, then guess what, your insecurities trump the hell out of my own. Why is it so important to have a style guru..what does Kim Kardashian have that normal women don't? Besides an overblown ego and an ass that is already beginning to sag? Why is she your "guru"? She's too messed up to be anything for anyone, even herself.
These "women" aren't real. They are made up, they are fictional characters who live in some sort of twisted, fractured fairy tale. Where the amount you spend dictates your popularity, where how many times you have been to rehab or married determines your social status. This isn't Hollywood, no glitz, no glamor, no grand determining factors...like Ben Stiller wrote...Reality Sucks.
But reality isn't even that anymore...when its telling young girls that to be appreciated in this world you have to be a size 0, blonde, and a vapid airhead. Or its telling young men that it's cool to beat your girlfriend and demean her. Or it puts more focus onto your bank account than your bankability.In the old days one of the biggest style icons was Marilyn Monroe, born Norma Jean Baker, a brunette mind you, a size 12 brunette. Put some bottle blonde on her, change her name and viola..a sex symbol. Change the perception, and create your own. But you wonder, if good ole Norma Jean hadn't become Marilyn...would she be alive today?
It's difficult enough in the world today without wondering who you have to be from one week to the next. When you have to change your style like you change your socks. What does it matter to you? The idea of being an individual has gone out the window in a lot of ways. Everyone wants to be someone else. The days of being yourself, thinking for yourself, being proud of yourself have all but gone away. Now it's everyone for someone else, that someone else is basically the flavor of the week. Next week, onto the next. Hollywood is dead, it isn't real, it is nothing but an elaborate system of smoke and mirrors. But we buy into it. Hook, line and sinker. We want to be that glamorous person, live that glamorous life, but that starlet or that leading man...but you don't understand one thing...that isn't real! Sorry ladies, George Clooney isn't going to sweep you off your feet, Johnny Depp isn't going to be your baby daddy. And, to the men, sorry boys, but Angelina Jolie wouldn't find you attractive. Pamela Anderson wouldn't give a rats ass about you, and only men like George Clooney can get a woman like Stacy Keebler.
What you seek is inside yourself. You can be that glamorous person and never leave your hometown, you can be special and never be famous. Ask yourself one question, what would you say if the celebrity whose life you crave said that they wanted your life? Would you believe them? Laugh in their face? Or would you instead offer them an glimpse into what you deal with everyday? Maybe they'd enjoy the mundane, the boring, the black hole that you see yourself living in. Because they can't. Their lives are not their own, they are paraded around the ring like the Best In Show at Westminster. They aren't seen as people, but as almost property, and we are the ones who own them. Slavery isn't dead, it's just called celebrity now. It doesn't discriminate, it can be black, white, brown, blue, purple..in Hollywood it's everyone. But yet, we still want to be in that world...maybe that's human curiosity, maybe we are all basically the Marquis De Sade, and we want the pain, we don't really know.

The video above says it very simply....."Hollywood is dead. You can find it in yourself."

Just A Song I Really Like

This is another very short post. I really like this song, it's very etheral and beautiful. I can't believe this is on the soundtrack to a movie like Shrek. Hope you like it.

The Shakespearean Hokey Pokey

Okay, kids, here is my humor for the night, enjoy....O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey=Poke. A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

Another Day In (Not) Paradise

So, here I sit, once again, in the hallways of my school. Bored, tired, and ready to go again. Nothing much happens here, just classes where they attempt to teach you things they think you don't know, or you already do but yet, you need to be retrained. I can't say that I don't appreciate what goes on here, I do. Just sometimes, I swear we are dumb ourselves down to be made smart again. Knowledge is supposedly power, but whose power is it? Is the the one gaining or the one giving? Sometimes I wonder if we are getting the truth as it is, or as it is wanting to be. Power is the key word in that last sentence, as if you didn't know. Well, now that rant is over..onto the topic for this post.
Contrary to popular belief this, not everyone sees things the same way. To exercise this point, I ask you, what defines paradise? A beach in Hawaii maybe, some mountain view in Aspen, a crystal lake minus the dude with the chainsaw and hockey mask? Is it a place or simply as state of mind? I think it can be both and it can be neither one. It is what you make it. Everyone defines their life in their own way. But, given the current state of the world and those who live in it, that is not entirely true.
Life has become a spectators sport, only we forget we are playing. We are called off the bench of certain moments and expected to play in a game we have been all but absent from. We claim to have been there, watching, cheering, waiting to be played, but yet, we are all but clueless when given the chance. We are refugees, we are prisoners to things beyond control and meaning. But yet, we are expected to play like we are going for the win in some all important tournament...life.
You see, the way I see it..if we are all playing a game, the same game, but different, why are we all expected to yield the same result? What I do, how I play, and even the times I refuse to shouldn't be dictated by someone else playing their version. Should we or should we not be able to decide what we will and will not do to get ahead?
Everyone has a drive...something that makes them want to do better, run faster, make more money, beat an aggressor, change or stay the same. But, how do we know what makes us do or not do those things? Can you wake up in the morning and know what battles you are going to fight that day? I don't think you can. Things happen, nothing to completely concrete, except of course concrete. Things happen above and beyond our control on a daily basis. But they don't always happen to us. They happen to other people, some we may know and others, we have never heard of them...ever.
Everything we do, has some adverse affect. It is constant, but it is changing. Every second is not counted for, until you make it whatever it is. In the minutes that I have spent writing this, I didn't know every word, every puncuation mark, every thought until I wrote it. I knew what I wanted to convey, but not how I planned on doing it. But here it is, written, albeit, not perfectly, but written in the way that I wanted it to be. In a famous song by The Eagles a line is sung that says "Call someplace paradise....kiss it goodbye." Once you claim to have found what you want, you realize it isn't. Paradise doesn't exist, not the way you think. it is what it is, it is what you make it. What you decide is what you are going to get.....Like the song says...

What Is Beauty?

So in keeping with my blog earlier about fear, now I'd like to ask about a sweeter subject. What is beauty? How is it defined? What is beautiful to one person isn't to another. What is pleasing to some, does not please all. Too many people see beauty as how hot some guy is or how sexy some girl is. That's not beauty to me, that is aesthetics. And that kind of beauty is fleeting, and no one seems to think about that. So, what is beautiful to you?
It might completely differ from what I see as beauty, but you have beauty and then you have appreciaton. Wouldn't you agree? Some would, some wouldn't. But that breeds conversation and knowledge.
So I wanted to put some videos..music videos, that I love because to me, music is beauty. So I have a few picked out. The first is just a simple little song by a little known group called The Beatles...

The second song is actually from a Disney film, it's a beautiful remake of a song that was done by Art Garfunkle,...it was redone by Five for Fighting and it's just so simple and sweet, with a beautiful message...

The third is a song by The Monkees...I have been reliving a lot of their songs since the tragic passing of Davy Jones...this is a song called Sometime In The Morning...Micky does an incredible job with this song, one of his best vocals...

And the last is just a powerhouse song that sums up musical beauty and power at its finest....

That's is just a small way I define beauty. Have fun listening  :)

Happy St. Pactrick's Day

Well, hello my fellow lovers of all this Irish. Today is that day where we drink green beer, speak in Irish accents, and wish we could all kiss the Blarney Stone. For this St. Patty's Day I have a collection of videos for this day. The first is a song by Garth Brooks called Ireland.....

The second video is one that has been seen on my blog many times, but I have to add the actor singing the Irish song is Canadian, he is singing to another actor who is Welsh (see the tie in) So to you all, I raise The Parting Glass....

The third is what is much needed for St. Patrick's Day...an Irish Drinking Song...and this is my favorite....

So I wish you all a Happy St. Patty's day....may it be filled with life, love, and Guiness!

The Definition of Fear

What is fear?
No, this is not a rhetorical question. Answer this, if you can.
What does fear do to you?
Again, answer, if you can.
Why do we fear?
There is at least two more I am going to ask you.
Is fear a motivator?
That is not a trick question.
Can you overcome fears?
That is the last question.

These questions are meant to get a response out of whoever reads them. Today I was given a prompt for my final, the prompt has to do with fear. The ability to change in the face of fear, the ability to face fears, and what fear really is.
Do you fear anything? Anyone? Or do you simple believe fear doesn't exist? Is anything in this life absoulte? If fear is not a motivator than why do we have a flight or fight reflex? If we all fear, does that mean we are all insecure? If we are all insecure, than are we all weak?
We all overcome fears..some of them are small, easy to get over....others take time, they grip you and they take a long time to get over..but you do get over them.
We can change, overcome our fears, our insecurities...to those that say you can't change...they don't know shit! They want to take what is yours, and they cannot bear that you have what they want.
What is your definition of fear?

A Short Insight

As of lately, my posts have been sort of up and down. Some very long, others, just a few sentences. Just to let everyone know, that is sort of how I roll. Some days I can talk forever on a certain subject, rant, or rave. Other days, I want to be left alone, and don't really feel like talking.
At this very moment I am sitting at a computer, in a hallway, at school, waiting for my next class to begin. All in all it is quite boring. I don't have a stylish rant to go on right now, no grand words, no great gestures, just this. Simple.
This blog has sort of become where I go when I just need to get everything out, but don't really want to talk to someone else. These words are sort of me talking to myself...Since only a few follow me. I write this mostly for me. The more who come into my little world will see more of what I think, and what I dare to say..or not say. I have 20 minutes before my class, it's a boring one let me tell you.
Now, a slight sidebar of information....
I have learned something in the last few days. Something that I guess should spark a response..but sadly I have not been able to respond to anything at all. The energy has been zapped out of me, and I don't know by whom. When you are empathic, people feed on that. The good, the bad, and the ugly..they can all feed on you. It's like being a leech. Whether they mean to or not, they take and drain. Sometimes that's not a bad thing, other times it's a fate worse than death. To feel pain, anger, hurt, sadness, melancholia, all of those things...it can drain you so quickly and make you think thoughts that are not your own.
I liken it to an old TV show that was back in the 1990's called Quantum Leap. If you haven't seen it, YouTube it! Great show! But essentially what happened was the main character, Dr. Sam Beckett, would "leap" into other people's lives and change their history for the better. Being empathic is a bit like leaping into other people's emotions. You feel everything they do, good and bad. For the most part, I can turn it on and off as needed, as of lately however, it's taken me over and it has been dictating how I feel.
That has been my short insight for right now. I am sure I might write more tonight, if I feel up to it. Until then. enjoy a video from The Monkees......

Random Thoughts Part One

Today I don't really have a lot to write about. So I just have a random list of thoughts, questions, and other boring things....so I started Tweeting...however off to a quite start. Only 3 people following me..I know I am boring but damn people, am I that bad? Sitting here watching Hawaii Five O...just finished watching Ghost Adventures...there is nothing to do. Today is truly one of those days where blah seems to be the adjective of the day.
Daylight Savings Time just saps everything out of you. This is a short post, and I apologize. More tomorrow.

A Little Bit Me...A Little Bit You Or My Poetic Tribute to The Monkees

Today Davy Jones was cremated. At 66 years old he was the youngest Monkee, and the poster man for the kind teen idol..the one who never got arrested, never did drugs, never had a sex scandal or became fodder for TMZ...he did however, die too young. He left friends, family, and fans wondering what life will be like without Davy...I never met them, only through the television and through the radio, but for the last week I have felt like I have adopted Micky, Peter and Michael into my own musical family. And so, for them, I have written a little something from my heart.

                                                          When Can I Wake Up Again

     When can I wake up again
   From this nightmare that doesn't want to end
  Why can't I go with you
  Why have I lost my friend?

     When can I wake up again?
 Hear that friendly voice
Can anyone tell me
 What happened to good-bye?

     You were supposed to be here
     Supposed to out live me
     Now the only place I see you
     Are in bittersweet memories

    Do you know how much I loved you
     Did you truly understand
    That even though I never said it
    You gave me more than anyone else can

    I never got to till you
    Just what you mean to me
    So when can I wake up again
    Just to see my friend

   Your light is shines brighter now
    Than the stars and sun can shine
    You are where there is no more pain
    But can you get rid of mine?

    I love you now and forever
    Til the end of time
    I don't wanna wake up right now
   In my dreams you are still alive

   Go now sky jockey
   The horses are saddled and ready to fly
  My final words to you are this:
  Good Ride Manchester Cowboy...Good Ride

Side Note Part 2

As you saw last night I had a side note about liars and how much disdain I have for them, as I promised here is where I continue that...
A certain Hollywood actor announced last Friday that he had entered a rehab to ween himself off perscription medication..a very respectable thing to do, and for that I admire him.
However, just the other night I got a message supposedly from him to tell him that he was in Virginia, doing his rehab here....it was my ex friend PRETENDING to be him! Now, how low is that? That is beyond low, that is someone who needs to be medicated ASAP! This blog is one of my shortest, but with "friends" like that, who truly needs an enemy!

Side Note

This post is just a side note to what is going on right at this very moment..it will be short and sweet, and I will explain more in my next post....I hate liars! I do, they are sneaky, underhanded, and just plain stupid. And what's worse, using the reality of the problems of a stranger to lie...I was born at night, but it wasn't last night.
Think about that...
More on that later....

Why Kirk Cameron Is A Fucking Idiot Or The Demise Of A Former Teen Idol

As you can tell by the title of this blog, it is not meant to be kind, censored, or in any way polite to one ex teen idol. So, let me just begin by stating the obivious...Kirk Cameron, the teen idol star of the 1980's has lost his ever loving fucking mind, and is a bigot to boot. Now, those like me who grew up in the 80's watching Cameron on the TV show Growing Pains, where he played the oldest son, Mike. Now, remembering the 80's like I am sure a lot of you do, Cameron had the reputation of being a party boy, a womanizer, and even dabbling in drugs. If you remember back in those days, he got quite jealous when this young new actor barged in on his territory...that little known actors name was Leonardo DiCaprio...which leads me ask this....how many Oscar nominations do you have Kirk? Oh wait, that's right, NONE! So shut the fuck up!
Now, as many have read and heard last week jackass opened his mouth, inserted his foot, and left a lot of gay men that I know sans one boyhood crush. That's right Kirk, a lot of gay men had crushes on you..they wanted to fuck you. Now, they  just wanna kick your ass. I will not use any of the language he used, because I don't repeat the rantings of a washed up, pathetic, jesus freak like him. I will however say that I believe Westboro Baptist Church has found their new freak pastor, I believe that when he heard the comments spewed by that bigot Jerry Fallwell has a spectrial hard on, while Pat Robertson probably had the best wet dream...make that the ONLY wet dream of his entire life!
You know, Kirk, perhaps you should re-read that book you are so quick to throw around...because lest I am mistaken there is a line that basically reads like this..."Judge not lest ye be judged"...remember that one asshole? Apparently you don't! Like you and the rest of your hairbrained judgemental assholes, you are quick to judge others, but you will never look at yourself.
I wonder what you'd say to me, friends with gays, lesbians, and transgendered, wiccan, a ghost hunter...someone who actually lets people live their lives without telling them how they should live.
I feel for your children you bastard, because Daddy's hatred will led them to kill themselves if any of them are gay, lesbian, bi, or transgendered..because they would rather die than have "daddy" think they are wrong. My real question is as quickly as you were to jump on the "true definition of marriage" I wonder how many other women you fucked while you were married?
In closing, I hope one day when you get to that heaven you dream so much about..I hope you are met by a gay man..and I hope he rejects your ass and sends you to Hell where you, and all other bigots like you belong!

The Best off Davy Jones...Some of My Favorite Songs

I wanted to add a part two to my memorium to Davy Jones..a few of my favorite songs he did, and my own parting farewell... Hope you enjoy.

My first is a beautiful song from The Monkees Headquarters album...a beautiful song called "Shades Of Grey" Peter and Davy singing a beautiful song about growing up and moving on...

My second choice is a song from the album Pool It, this was Davy, Micky and Peter making their comeback. This was a great song with Micky singing the lead, but it was something Davy had plenty of and that was Heart and Soul...

The third and fouth are my tributes to Davy...the first is a scene from the movie Four Weddings and A Funeral. This poem is entitles "Funeral Blues" and the author is W.H. Auden

And lastly, a song I love from the TV show "Brothers and Sisters", a lovely song called The Parting Glass...so long Davy Jones

The Loss of A Monkee or Growing Up

Today I heard about the death of Davy Jones from The Monkees. As a little girl I watched the show and it was one of my favorite. I feel a sadness for the loss for another part of my childhood, first Whitney Houston and now Davy.
When we grow up we know our childhood will eventually end, but when it's through death it hurts just a little more. Davy was the cute Monkee, he had the accent and the boyish looks, that girls loved. In reading the words of his band mates you can tell it is hurting them as well. Davy, Micky, Michael and Peter were funny, good musicians, and America's answer to The Beatles.
My heart goes out to his family and his friends. The man who taught Axl Rose to dance and make Marcia Brady happy is gone...the daydream is over but Davy we still believe. Good night.

Television: Then and Now

So, I just finished watching my favorite new show...which used to be an old show...Hawaii Five-O...for those who don't remember the original show, it ended in 1980. The year of my birth. It was alright, but far too over dramatic, the revamped version has a few things to please the younger demographic...faster cars, sexy actors, and a postcard in every episode. This got me to thinking, I have a list of TV shows that I am going to mention...some from the 80's, some from the 90's and some from the 00's...feel free to comment, or add any shows I have forgotten.

Family Ties: It introduced us all to Michael J. Fox....enough said!
The Cosby Show: Influential as hell..a doctor and a lawyer, raising their family, and never forgetting their hertiage, and never forgetting how to laugh.
ALF: Come on, he was an alien, granted he liked to eat cats, but who doesn't have a flaw or two?
Hill Street Blues: The grandfather of the cop shows! "Let's all be safe out there"
CHiPs: Cause show me a man who didn't want to be Ponch, and I'll show you a man who is lying to himself.
Mork and Mindy...Robin Williams!
Happy Days...The Fonz!!! or and a guy you might have heard of..Ron Howard
St. Elsewhere...Amazing medical drama....before Grey's, before ER, there was this show...Denzel Washington, Howie Mandel...granted the ending was a bit of a gyp.
Dinosaurs: Say it with me...you know you remember it...."NOT THE MAMA!!"
The Entire TGIF lineup: Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, Full House, and a little known show called Hi Honey! I'm Home....i mention the latter for only one main reason (AJ McLean)
ER: The birth of George Clooney and the overlooked Anthony Edwards (We love you Goose)
NYPD Blue: If you did not cry when Jimmy Smits died...you have no heart!
Chicago Hope: A little known medical drama....but it had Mandy Patinkin...it had Inigo Montoya, good enough for me.
Cheers: Where Everybody Knows Your Name!
M*A*S*H: One hell of a show...and who didn't get choked up with Col. Blake died
               and now a few honorable mentions for me
Brothers and Sisters: Great show, Sally Field as Nora Walker..If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor, check it out.
Frasier: Gotta love Niles
NCIS: I love Gibbs!!
Moonlight.....Mick St. John,...yummy!
Three Rivers....never got the chance it deserved!

                 and there are a thousand more... what are some of your favorites?

My Trip to Disney World Or One Hell of a Spring Break

Well, kids, I am taking you on a trip back to 2001, before the horror of 9/11, before my life took a personal turn, and before all the stuff that has tried to take over me happiness took over. My friend Nicole and I spent a fun-filled week at Disney World.  This was in March of 2001 when we took this lovely trip, as a matter of fact the day we flew home was St. Patrick's Day. We drove up to her house in New Jersey, and that was an eye-opener to me, because coming from the South, and not really knowing what an Italian family was like, I learned very quickly. I met her grandmother, who was the definition of a feisty woman (may she RIP), met her mother and her aunt and got treated to a true Italian dinner..and the food, let me tell you something..THAT was food!
When we flew out of Atlantic City, NJ it was my first flight, and I will admit I was nervous. I sat by the wing, and as we made the hour and 20 minute flight, I will say that I would stare out onto the wing and thoughts of William Shatner and The Twilight Zone went through my mind. The flight was smooth, and before I knew it we had landed at the Orlando airport, then we waited, and waited and waited for our shuttle bus to get to our resort.
When it finally showed up, we headed to our resort, the Caribbean Beach Resort, a amazingly beautiful resort, where a man dressed as Prince Charming greeted us and welcomed us to Disney World...he was pretty damn good looking, I remember. We checked in, and since our room wasn't ready, we headed into the park.
Now, I am a kid at heart, always have been, always will be. When I stepped onto Main Street USA, I would by lying if I said I didn't have tears in my eyes. That first day, I ate at a Cosmic Cafe, braved a Haunted Mansion, sat at Casey's Corner, and rode a Riverboat to Tom Sawyer's Island. Then that night, I ate inside a Mayan Temple...I highly recommend the San Angel Inn! Plates as big as your head!
While we are on that subject...Oh the food! The food was amazing! From the Prime Time Cafe to Mama Melrose's, from Gepetto's to the Le Cellier Steakhouse...to the breakfast at Ohana...the food was amazing!!
Then the rides...from Dumbo to Dinosaur....everything for the wild-at-heart, the young-at-heart, and the ones who are a little of everything. Only ride that I still cannot stand is "It's A Small World"....I warn you now, sing that song to me and I will go Mob Wives on your ass, hahaha!
The shopping, the entire thing was the greatest week I had ever had. Having a friend like Nicole with me, made it better too. We got pictures taken with Mickey, watched the Muppets in 3-D, watched Goofy pass out from heat stroke, got faces painted...all of it. It was the best week ever.
It's been almost 12 years since we went, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that week, and live it again.  Here is a song that reminds me of my trip and also begs the question...what if Disney World was heaven?

The Best Days Of Our Lives Or When I Was Young

So tonight, at the request of my friend Nicole, I am doing a lighthearted post. A post about when I was a young girl and the crushes I had in those days. Today I found myself watching an old episode of Boy Meets World where Eric and Jack are staring at an old Backstreet Boys poster and Eric says, "I have to get out of here because the cute one is staring at me." Jack replies, "You think Howie is the cute one? I thought Nick was the cute one."...Well, Jack and Eric you were both correct.
When I was 16, I heard Backstreet Boys for the first time, I had never seen them before, only heard them, and from the first note, I was hooked. I have a lot of friends who were the same way. We loved them...well no, we lusted them. I can admit for me I wasn't in love, I was in lust. Yes kiddies...dare I say, it was a sin, but in the words of Billy Joel...."I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun..."
As I sit here and remember the trip Nicole and I made to Disney World, me wearing my Backstreet Boys t-shirts and my do rag...looking for people who had met them or working with Kevin in the early days, and we did meet a few. It was a good trip...that will be in an upcoming post.
Right now, I am thinking of all the teen idols we have loved and lost over time, and why we loved them. Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, NSYNC (sorry, but they do fit), Boyzone, Westlife, New Edition, Boyz II Men, 5ive, O-Town in music. The two Coreys, River Phoenix, Johnny Depp, Leonardo Di Caprio, Kirk Cameron, Leif Garrett, Davy Jones, The Jackson 5, The Osmonds, Heath Ledger, etc. The list is endless. Some of these people have tragically died, others just simply faded away and some are just as strong today as they were then.
Queen once wrote a song called "Days of Our Lives" and in it, it speaks on growing up, but never forgetting the good things, the good times. And so with this post I want to end with lyrics from Paul Simon...."Preserve your memories, there all that's left you."

Finding The Evil In People or How I Finally Walked Away

Well tonight's topic is going to be an interesting one. I have a story for you kids, now stop me if you've head this one okay?  You have a "friend" or so you think, and this friend only wants to be around you if you do exactly what they want, exactly as they do, they have all the right answers and you will benefit from their wisdom...sound familiar?
Now, these people, these evil people who want nothing more than to steal you away from yourself are everywhere. You maybe even know some of them now, they might have been friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, classmates, as you can see the list can go on forever. Now, I would like to add part two to this tale...what if the person at the start of this story gives you a lovely ultimatum...you need to lose everyone I don't like, or I won't be your friend anymore. Now, then, kiddies, what would you do then?
This should be an easy answer for you. It was for me, I walked away. More like ran away, because if I wanted someone to dictate my life I'd bring Julius Caesar back from the dead. Seeing the bad in someone is not something anyone wants to be, but it's there. Not everyone is evil, not by any means, but some people, they show it better.
My advice...Forrest Gump it.! Run, as fast as you can. Save yourself so that you can come back.

Compassion Isn't Dead...It Just Needs to Come Out of Hibernation

Sitting in my SDV class today, I heard the story of a boy in my class. A nice, quite kid named Chris. He is deaf, and he is transgendered. As I sat, listening to his interperter tell his story I was almost moved to tears. Here is this young man, who knew from the time he was a small child that he was a girl in a boy's body. He began his talk by asking a simple question....Is being transgendered a choice? A few select idiots raised their hands, while I shook my head. I sat hearing this boy talk about how he had been sucidal, how he hasn't told his parents, because of how they would react.
I held back the tears as I listened, and then I had a thought...and I'd like to share that thought with whomever is reading this.
Compaasion is a word so few people really understand. They assume to know, but we all know what they say about that, 'Never assume, it just makes an ass out of u and me." But, as we know there are a lot of people who live by the motto, 'Always Assume"  Now, we are all human, we make assumptions everyday. So, what do we do about this? Admit our transgressions and move on? Or, admit, repent, and learn? I am all for learning, but that is just me.
Compassion is a learned art, much like painting, writing, patting your head and rubbing your tummy...Haha...okay, maybe not the last one. But, you understand where I am going with this. So, here was this boy, telling us his story, telling us his life, and I felt compassion for him, empathy for him, and a desire to want to beat the hell out of the six morons who called it a choice. So, remember, compassion isn't dead...but hibernation time is over. Wake up people!

How One Weekend Can Change A Life or How I Stopped Believeing Cynical People

This past weekend I attended my first Sci-Fi Convention. As a closet nerd, I never let anyone know that I wanted to be Leia, how I truly believed Captain Picard and Kirk did seek out the new lives and the new civilizations they searched for, and how I truly believe several of America's politicians might actually be Cylons. The guest of honor at this convention was a man by the name of Jeremy Bulloch, this distinguished Englishman was an Shakespearean actor, appeared in several James Bond movies, and had acted on British stages; but for the Sci-Fi geeks, he is quite simply....Boba Fett: The Bounty Hunter (I'd watch that over Dog anyday, wouldn't you?).
This man, spoke for two hours on life, acting, and everything. Before he began, he asked for four volunteers, and before I knew it my hand had shot up like a bullet out of a gun. And as he called my name, I smiled and walked up. I acted onstage with Boba Fett, and then 15 minutes later got the best advice I could have ever asked for.
When I told him that I had dreams of acting, dreams of teaching acting, and what to do when people try to destroy that dream..he quite simply looked at me and said, "Don't Quit." Two words, just two words and it changed me so profoundly. About, an hour later, standing in the Dealer's Room I happened to meet a woman and her daughter, both wiccan, one an empath and the other a psychic/medium. The older woman, amazingly decked out in Steampunk, walked up to "ground" my friend, and then to ground myself.
As she placed her hands on my head and began to ground me, I had the feeling of wanting to faint, but at the same time, felt an incredible sense of power course through me. Afterwards, she leaned in and whispered three more sentances that continued the change I had felt only an hour before, "You have so much bright light around you. You are beautiful. You are smart."
How could these people, whom I had just met, suddenly make me see the truth?
Why did I just tell you this? Because it changed me for the better, it made me see the cynical people in my life...people who claimed to be friends...it made me see them for what they really are. They are liars. The worst kind of liars, the kind that make you forget your strength, your power, your beauty all to make themselves feel better. I had people who I thought were my friends, thought they wanted the best for me,. but it was a ruse. This person, no names mentioned here, was a liar, a cynic of the highest degree. As a healer, I hoped this person would change, but it would never happen.
Liars are everywhere, they wear a thousand disguises, they smile to your face and then stab you in the back. The worst people are the ones who use "logic" as a way to shut down. Emotions are my logic, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I will never change that. Ladies and Gentlemen, all it took was the words of a space aged bounty hunter and a steampunk empath to change my views.